Many people seeking lasting, loving relationships find that trying to crack the code of “compatibility” is just as likely to create confusion as clarity.
Because of the various components, such as psychology, biology and physicality, finding a compatible person to spend time with may be difficult.
Now, does that mean compatibility shouldn’t be the cornerstone of healthy relationships? Absolutely not.
But, even if all the dynamics for compatibility are met, you can still rub each other the wrong way. You may both be nature lovers, but if you can’t decide where to go on your next vacation, then “compatibility” in that respect counts for very little.
An important thing to remember is that your alignment may never be perfect, but success will depend on how you handle your obvious differences. Your disposition and attitude determine whether you will be able to see the best in each other and support each other, even when disagreeing. They will indicate if you are able to allow your values to grow and change when necessary. Sometimes, compatibility is not something you have, it’s something you make with one another, it’s a give and take.
The following are some critical categories to help you start with a baseline of important shared values for a healthy relationship.
From eating habits, to personal hygiene, to your individual attitudes about substance use, you will have to compromise and adapt to the other person’s unique perspective. Even if your habits and preferences differ, you may still be compatible if you can give each other the freedom to enjoy those differences.
Money management is arguably the most important aspect of new, long term relationships. In one way or another, your finances touch practically everything else. Within the first few weeks, it’s important to get a basic understanding of your potential partner’s financial picture and outlook, and make sure that you can live within those parameters.
Politics and religion.
In any relationship some issues are likely to produce divisions too wide to span. Politics and religion are two subjects that can widen the gap between couples. Be honest from the beginning about your political and religious beliefs and, if you want the relationship to work, try to find common ground or at least a more neutral standpoint.
Family and children.
Obviously, this topic may not be something you want to bring up on a first date, but, long before the first child arrives, make sure you can agree on key parenting values and goals.
You don’t necessarily have to think alike, but you should consider having similar levels of education and reasoning if you are going to be compatible. Problems will inevitably arise in a relationship where one partner feels outsmarted and outgunned in conversations.
It most definitely matters whether you like the same things in bed. Feeling pressure to deliver an experience you find disagreeable is not something you can justify for long. Also, you’re probably incompatible if find your own desires going unmet on a consistent basis.
Some differences in a relationship can make it stronger, challenging and more fun. Too many differences can add up to incompatibility. Knowing each other’s limits can help reduce friction and allow a relationship to grow and prosper.
However you decide to approach your new relationship, use patience and love as your guideposts.
Have a great day!